Contemplating a change

My fear is that life is primarily difficult and meaningless.  That peace and serenity are hard to find, even for followers of Christ.

Work... ugh.  It's not that I mind working, it's just that working becomes difficult when it is all you do and you are finding no joy in it.  I don't know how to find joy again.

My husband and I are both dissatisfied and frustrated in the place we are living.  It has been a season of learning and growing, stretching, strengthening, and being humbled.  So now the question is: do we move on?  Do we hope that a different location and different jobs will continue to afford us opportunities to serve Christ while at the same time giving us the opportunity to connect with the world around us better.

So, I don't know.  I don't know how I feel or whether I am able to make another major move.  I am not sure that ministry is the place for me to be.  I am wondering if my job is overwhelming because it is two jobs or because I do not have the skill set for this particular iteration of ministry - or if I do not have the skill set for ministry at all.

Next time I change it is not just my decision but I am in a team of three - my husband, God and myself moving forward.

I guess we shall see.

Oh sickness that has infected humanity

I've been thinking a lot about sin.  I think about how it has ravaged humanity since just after the beginning of the story.

This is my first reflection on sin and so I will focus on the way that the church (as I know it) misses the mark and miscommunicates about this deadly disease.

Sin Management...

that's what I call the average sermon.  Most teaching in the church focuses on the importance of managing your sin.  "You need to flee temptation.  Don't give in to the enemy.  See what a wretched sinner you.  You desire Hell, everything else is pure grace."  These statements put all the focus and responsibility of perfection onto the individual.

You may be thinking, "but all the focus and responsibility should be on the individual.  We are all responsible for the sins we commit."

Yes, we are responsible, but anyone who believes they can control sin is missing the entire point.  Jesus came and died for us partly because we cannot manage sin on our own.  He saw the insidious sickness that has devastated humanity and knew that we could not cure ourselves.

In many churches sin is the focus.  Places like this become very dangerous and unsafe for sinners.  PEople must put on aires and act really well because the fear of discover - that others will realize the depth of sin in me - is overwhelming.

As I read the Bible and the gospel, sin is an integral part of the story, but not the focus.  Christ is the focus.  This story of God and humanity is a love story - the story of Love and how he destroys the sickness that has ravaged his bride to be.  It is the story of God's overcoming rather than my overcoming.

God can overcome sin in me.  He has the cure, but if I am foolish enough to believe that I can do it then I am going to fail.

I am a sinner.  I am infected.  I am trying to make good choices and live a good life.  I am interested in righteousness, but apart from Christ I can do nothing.

Lost in teaching

To say I have had a bad month would be accurate.  This has been an incredibly hard last few weeks in my job.  I feel at a loss for teaching the youth at my church.

Several weeks ago I was ready to go back to teaching and was seriously considering leaving this kind of "professional" ministry behind.  It is really hard.

And I am not equipped.

I have this incredible group of youth that I work with.  30-40 kids each week.  So many different personalities.  The kids are so different that you wouldn't expect to see them all together in a group, and yet here they are.

I have leaders in my group and followers; kids who wrestle with school and kids who have dropped out; kids who are excellent students; kids who are poor; kids who are affluent; kids who are sexually active; kids who are pure; kids who demand attention; kids who I cannot get to talk out loud.

I have been feeling like a bad teacher.  I've gotten out of the rhythm of weekly planning because we had Christmas break and then a retreat and then youth sunday.  Now I have to get back in the grove, so I am writing in hopes that I will find some ideas or at least a direction.

This year we are finding Jesus through the entire Bible.  We have scoured the Old Testament like spies and found that even in Genesis there are allusions to the one who was to come... Sweet, Powerful, King Jesus.

Now we are to the new testament.  We are beginning to look at Jesus the person, his teachings, and the epistles.  His teachings...

I am overwhelmed by some of the choices my kids are making.  Really stupid choices.  Partying, driving drunk, smoking pot, etc.  Stupid moves.  I am also overwhelmed by the grip that sin has on our lives.

I have been attending a 12 step group lately and am overwhelmed by the destructive power of sin in my life and in the lives of those around me.  This illness which devastates lives and destroys relationships.  It turns people into something far from who they were created to be.

I want to talk about Sin.  It is a cunning, baffling, and powerful disease.  It is the root of the problem.

Life is not about sin management and Christianity not about just moral development.  It is about combating the effects of sin and death and finding a new way - a glorious path of light and beauty.  It is about surrender to a Loving and Kind God who defeated death and sin and can defeat those things in me.

Surrender....

I wonder if there is a game called surrender.

Maybe we will look at the beatitudes in Matthew and talk about this guy who spoke these words and explore the concept of Surrender.