So, I realized a few things about myself over the last few days:
1. I do not do well without structure... it leads me to down-ness and potential depression. For the last three or so weeks I have not had to work. In fact, all summer has been inconsistent. The result is that I spend far too much time in my head, my thoughts begin racing and making me doubt my sanity. I need a balance of business and contemplation. Too much of either is bad.
2. I think I have come to a place where I need coffee daily. I've been finding that the racing thoughts are fairly debilitating, but once I have some coffee, they become manageable, I am able to focus and I feel better. I don't want to be addicted to caffeine, but of all the things to be addicted to, coffee is not so bad. Oh well, there are worse things than depending on coffee to function.
3. I've been spending far too much time thinking and talking about myself lately. I need to get back to focusing on the lover of my soul. I heard an amazing thing today - here is an approximation of it: "As we get to know Jesus, we come to know who we really are.... Dying to self means putting to death our understanding of ourselves and the expectations of who others think we are, and putting on our true self. As we allow Jesus to define us we become who we really are, he names us and our destiny is revealed."
4. I want to begin a sort of blog-bible study. I think once a week is reasonable. So, I guess we can start looking at the book of Matthew, which addresses the questions, "Who do you say Jesus is?" Let's get to know him better. Then we can be changed and made more like him. We can come to understand who we are as we know him more. Let's make first things first.
