Shame

I've been thinking about shame... the way we wrap ourselves in it and hide. Shame becomes our garment. Like a bad friendship, we turn to shame instead of turning to love. We hide. We live in the darkness of Shame. Shame and Fear are bedfellows and so where Shame is, Fear is close beside.

I've been thinking about the scripture that says that perfect love drives out all fear. As we invite love into the broken and rotten places in our hearts, it's like when an exterminator comes into a house to drive out vermin. They all begin to come out into the light. We see how infested our house was. As love comes into my life, shame and fear are coming to the surface, but as they come into the light Love takes them out.

For those of you who don't know, I've recently (as of Friday) started dating. He is a tall, lean, attractive man with an amazing heart. He's smart and funny and makes me feel comfortable in my own skin. I really like him!

I realized, as we began this relationship, that I am far more wounded than I thought, that I had given up hope in so many ways. Now his presence in my life is bringing fear and shame to the surface. I am having to face that fear and shame, call it by name, and allow Love to drive it from my heart. It's a good thing. Very good.

Risk. Sometimes risk leads to deep pain. Sometimes love leads to deep pain. Sometimes deep pain leads to healing and wholeness and beauty beyond words.